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in which I try to put my foot down - Idiot Control Now
bees on pie, burning rubber tires
mellowcandle
mellowcandle
in which I try to put my foot down
Well, I've apparently made my mom sad.

We're going up in a couple of weeks for "Christmas". I put it in quotes because we're really just going to visit near Christmas, not for Christmas. So maybe the "for" needs to be in quotes.

Anyway, D and I have been trying to get my parents to scale back on Christmas gifts for a few years now, and so this year I finally just flat out said Do Not Get Us Any Gifts. We don't need or have room for more stuff, plus we're grown-ups and can buy our own stuff.

Now my mom is sad because we've "taken away her joy of shopping for us". She has grandkids she can buy presents for; isn't that more fun than getting us a bunch of random crap because you think you should? The clothes she gets D usually end up at Salvation Army because they don't fit, and she gets me gift cards to Sephora and Victoria's Secret because apparently she's never met me.

When I told her this on the phone, I could tell she sounded upset, and I thought I was just being firm, but D said I sounded combative. It was a bunch of different things, really; she wants us to stay longer (when staying with them makes me feel like Lorelai Gilmore, wanting to curl up in a corner eating my own hair), and I explained that we're staying long enough (three nights) because she never has any real food in the house, so we either end up eating absolute garbage or going to restaurants for three days, and the lack of proper meals ends up making us sick. My mom does not eat (except junk), so meals are not really scheduled, and when they do take us to restaurants, they just aren't very good, because my mom doesn't like food.

But that's just all part of it. I followed up with an email saying I think instead of "stuff" it would be more fun if we all went out and did something festive together, and I looked up some local events, like a Christmas concert and a performance of the Nutcracker, but my mom was really non-committal on that, saying we could decide when we get there. Um, do you really think tickets for stuff like that can be bought the day of for a group our size?

Whatever. I'm sorry I've upset my mom, but I really don't like visiting them. All we do is sit around the house and watch everyone play on their ipads. Can we go somewhere fun for a change?

I have no idea what my dad thinks about any of this, but since I know he has no respect for us anyway, it doesn't matter. It is very freeing to know exactly where you stand with someone so you can finally decide not give a shit what they think of you.

Current Mood: frustrated frustrated
Current Music: lithium--nirvana

2 pathetic excuses or justify your existence
Comments
serena_b From: serena_b Date: November 27th, 2013 03:11 am (UTC) (Link)
I hate feeling like I'm obligated to do things/visit/keep in contact with my parents just because they're my parents. Granted, they did raise me, and weren't completely horrible (not compared to some horror stories, anyway), but I don't feel like that means I'm somehow obligated to get along with them now that I'm an adult. They made choices, and as a result, I made mine.

Don't feel bad about standing your ground, or even if you came across sounding a certain way on the phone. She should think about what you want to, that's call being considerate. If she doesn't want to do that and only does what she wants, that's just selfish, even if she is your mom.

tl;dr--parents are sometimes overrated
mellowcandle From: mellowcandle Date: December 1st, 2013 05:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
They are. I love my mom, but I think she suffers from a lack of imagination at times. Other than shopping and reading, we don't have many common interests.
2 pathetic excuses or justify your existence