He borrowed some hand lotion from me. Well, first he asks, "Do you have any high quality hand lotion?" I don't know, I have whatever my mom gives me or I take from hotels. I gave him a couple bottles and said, "How do I tell that? It's not like one's labeled 'high quality!' and the other says 'this one sucks!'"
So he rubbed some on and said, "Now I smell like old lady. 'Hey, Jessica, did you meet any hot guys in class today?' 'Well, there was this one guy, but he's forty and smelled like old lady.'"
"'But I figure if I let him look down my top, he'll write my term paper for me'," I said, so bright side!
Are girls even called Jessica anymore? That's so Sweet Valley. My best friend in high school was a Jessica, but that was 1990.
When reading my morning internets, I made my usual gripe about how I can't stand the way people "talk" on boards and how I'm so sick of seeing "Fail" and "Epic" and "This!" everywhere.
D: What about "Epic This!"?
Me: Oh God.
D: You need to start "Epic This!"
Back when Florida completely fell apart in the SEC championship game, D said he wasn't going to watch the National Championship game, but he's changed his mind, so we'll probably be watching and rooting hard for Texas. I think you probably have to live in this state to know how completely insufferable Alabama fans can be. Whether they win or lose, it's all we'll hear about for the next year, so D would rather they lose, because the whining is slightly more tolerable than the gloating.
I would suggest he just not listen to local sports radio, but you know men.