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Idiot Control Now
bees on pie, burning rubber tires
mellowcandle
mellowcandle
maybe they were dumb reasons, but they were reasons
Okay, when it came down to it, I left the end of Chapter 4 as-is.

I couldn't make a tacked-on Nat POV work without it feeling, well, tacked on. And redundant. I don't need her wondering what her father thinks when we already know what he thinks. I don't need Guy coming out and telling her he passed when we already know he passed. It just ended up feeling like an unnecessary use of POV switch for such a minor thing. And having her react to his acceptance with a hug will only make their kiss in the next chapter feel less special.

And I left the last line, because without it, I feel like you'd be waiting for either a response or a follow-up, and that's not coming yet.

So, anyway, maybe it's still bad, but nothing I came up with made it any better.

Current Mood: indifferent indifferent
Current Music: keep fishin--weezer

2 pathetic excuses or justify your existence
Comments
cal_reflector From: cal_reflector Date: October 25th, 2010 11:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
Are you going to lock up your How Far entries so readers can't steal in and read the chapters before you upload them to the Pit?
mellowcandle From: mellowcandle Date: October 26th, 2010 07:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm leaving them open in case anyone wants to leave feedback about characterization, canon discrepancies, etc, that I can still fix.
2 pathetic excuses or justify your existence