L-chan (mellowcandle) wrote,

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when the internet makes you feel abnormal

There's an article posted over on Dear Wendy called "Reasons to try polyamory". In the comments, people are falling all over themselves to make it very, very clear that they are not judging when they say "It's not for me, but it's such a fascinating topic!" Because the internet is a vast wasteland of moral relativism, the worst thing you can do is come across as judging.

Which is why I can't say how I really feel about that article over there without it turning into a big thing. I can't say how very, very much it offends me. It's not saying, "Hey, reasons to try knitting" or "Reasons to try international travel". It's presenting,and therefore promoting, immorality.

To me, the term "polyamory" is the same as the term "sex worker". It's as if by relabeling adultery and prostitution, you can somehow make them socially acceptable. And if you in any way object to promiscuity or sexual immorality, you are called a "slut-shamer".

However, I remain convinced that the devaluing of sex and marriage is one of the reasons society has gone completely to hell. No one takes these things seriously anymore. Marriage and sex are no longer considered sacred in the mainstream. Marriage is "just a piece of paper" and sex is something you're entitled to with or without a commitment, with or without even knowing the person (or persons!) you're engaging in it with. Intimacy is not a thing anymore. The drive to have someone know you and love you and want to be with you and only you in spite of it all is no longer desirable.

I really do think this is a huge problem, but if I dare say so, I'm "judging".

I read advice columns and blogs for the same reason other people follow celebrity gossip or wanky fandoms: for the schadenfreude/trainwreck aspect. I admit it, and it means I'm not as good a person as I should be.

But reading advice blogs also makes my faith in humanity die a little more each day. Letters on Dear Wendy come from people who give their boyfriends a birthday threesome that results in the other girl getting pregnant, or a girl who got pregnant on a first date, or from a friends with "benefits" situation. Was it worth it? Was your sexual "freedom" and "exploration" really worth the risk? Wouldn't it have been better to wait for someone you truly cared about, who you knew would be with you through whatever happened? Now you're contemplating ending the life of an innocent child because you felt entitled to your sexual "empowerment"?

Nope, can't say any of that, because it's "slut-shaming". Promiscuity is the norm now, and we're apparently supposed to get used to it.

What's now called "judging" used to be called having standards. "Shame" didn't used to be a bad thing: it was what kept you from doing things that were harmful and wrong. There's no such thing as "wrong" anymore, if you believe what people who post articles like this are trying to sell.

There was a line in Crazy Stupid Love where Jacob says that men won the battle of the sexes when women started taking stripping classes for exercise. I think men won when women convinced themselves that promiscuity is somehow "empowering".

I'm not excusing men, by the way. I think the same behavior is reprehensible regardless of whether it's a man or a woman.

I'm sure these are the same people who will tell me my beliefs are a result of a time and system that never truly existed. That monogamy and marriage have always been oppressive traps, not an ideal to aspire to.

If that's the case, then I will continue living in my little dreamland.
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