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D totally loves Miss Manners, by the way - Idiot Control Now
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mellowcandle
mellowcandle
D totally loves Miss Manners, by the way
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who is married but still uses her middle name rather than her maiden name -- i.e., Eloise Adele Trumball, rather than Eloise Deaver Trumball. She swears she has never heard of this convention and that I must be making it up; her mother also doesn’t follow the practice.

I realize I have to let this go; I can’t force her to follow conventions she doesn’t believe in. I would like to know where the practice comes from, however.

GENTLE READER: Your friend might better ask the origin of using the birth name as a middle name, as her name and her mother’s followed the older convention.

The custom was for a lady to change her name upon marriage, not to add on to it. Miss Manners understands the wish of ladies to hold on to their original names as prompting their use as middle names, and often now not changing names at all. Yet the old-fashioned way also deserves respect, and no one should be subject to outside pressure on the choice.



Thank you, Miss Manners. I'm one who kept my middle name and dropped my birth/maiden last name altogether when I got married, so I'm MyFirstName MyMiddleName D'sLastName.

I've had women tell me I can't possibly be a feminist because I took my husband's name. I say they can't possibly be a feminist if they dare tear me down for making my own damn choice about what my name is.

I'm not one of those people whose identity is tied up in my name, anyway. I use lots of different usernames all over the internet. My name is not my identity. My personality is my identity. My thoughts and words and actions are my identity. My name is just what you say so I know you're talking to me.

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Current Music: if only--the lightning seeds

4 pathetic excuses or justify your existence
Comments
serena_b From: serena_b Date: April 24th, 2013 09:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
I think it's stupid to say you are or are not something just because someone does or does not want to change their last name. Agree with you 100%.

I don't want to change my last name when I get married. Mainly because I'm lazy and don't feel like doing all the paperwork required. But also because J's last name is always mispronounced and continuously correcting people would annoy me. My name is never mispronounced. Problem solved. :)

J has jokingly said that when we get married we'll both change our last names and just combine them in some sort of hybrid to form a new last name altogether. Which is why our cats official last names are Nieserson.

But since J and I might never get around to actually tying the knot this might all be moot anyway. LOL
mellowcandle From: mellowcandle Date: April 24th, 2013 09:36 pm (UTC) (Link)
My name was always mispronounced, misspelled, made fun of, I just hated it. I was glad to toss it in the trash. Plus, I was near the end of the alphabet, and that always sucked in school.

I'm not crazy about my first name, either, but if I'd changed that, I know my mom would've been hurt. Changing just the last name was kind of a hassle but worth it once it was done (oddly, changing my driver's license was the worst part because I had to wait until I had a vacation from work to go to the DMV, stood in line for an hour, then their computer systems went down. And stayed down the rest of my vacation week. It was probably another year before I actually was able to get that changed.)
cal_reflector From: cal_reflector Date: April 25th, 2013 02:53 am (UTC) (Link)
What is the etymology of mellowcandle?
mellowcandle From: mellowcandle Date: April 25th, 2013 08:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
It's a Weiß Kreuz reference.
4 pathetic excuses or justify your existence