drained
We've been building up to this break all season, and it's subtle like that, just like in real life. Every little bit piles up. Every bit of pressure, every concern about the future, every "you could go pro" and "you're the pride of our school" is just another pebble on his shoulder, each little thing no one thinks means anything, until the weight is enough to crush you, and when you live in your head like Haru and I do, you can't let anyone else inside, or this happens. Everyone else drowns you out, you can't hear yourself anymore, and you lose it.
And Mako saw it but couldn't do anything, because Haru said he was fine, because that's what we do. We say we're fine, but sooner or later it's just one thing too much, and we finally blow up.
And Rin was probably the best person to unload on, because Rin, you know this. You went through this last year. You lost sight of yourself and what you were doing. Your reasons are different, but it's the same thing. And since you put everyone else through this, you can take it. It's safer to blow up at you instead of letting down his best friend and his team.
But this all just made me so sad it's hard to focus on the good little moments sprinkled throughout, like Nitori making the relay, and Rin absolutely crushing it in his events, and Hana-chan and the girls showing up to support the team, and more Gou and Nagisa sitting next to each other (D says he's convinced that they're supposed to be canon, but since the show's not about that, it only shows up in visuals like that), and
an actual Rin-Makoto conversation. Two captains who can't help their team members in crisis.
Because they've finally succeeded in making me care about Sousuke, and this has also been building since the beginning if you go back and watch, so yes, I'm with you except for one thing: Dude, you know how much the relay means to Rin, and if you fuck this up for him because you're afraid to tell him what's going on.... Just, dude, COME ON. I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop with this, too, because I do still think he's lying. But that Rin is completely in the dark when they are
To end on a less depressing note, D wanted a gif of this, so I had to do it:
Nagisa: We're not going to lose tomorrow.
Rin: That's my line.
Me: But you didn't say it, DID YOU?
D said, "Do you know why I love this show? I love how you watch this show, and how you love each of the boys in turn, and identify with them all, because that's how I was with K-ON."
Because it's true.
