We get home to find a box sitting on our doorstep. We had stopped the mail and were not expecting any packages. Our family knew we were going to be gone.
It was addressed to the previous homeowner. You know, the guy who moved out over FOUR MONTHS ago.
Oh, and it said "refrigerate immediately", and had come from a dairy in Georgia.
Typing in the UPS tracking number showed that it was delivered the day after we left. Which meant this perishable dairy package had been sitting on our porch for A WEEK. (Remember the days when UPS would get a signature instead of ding-dong-ditching? Heck, these days they don't even knock half the time.)
I googled the company and called them, saying it was delivered to the correct address, but Mr. ____ no longer lives here. The woman I talked to said they would track down whoever ordered the GOURMET CHEESE ASSORTMENT GIFT BOX and inform them of the situation, and we were free to enjoy the cheeses as we like. I said, well, that would be nice, but I was out of town and they've been sitting on my porch for a week, so they're probably ruined.
We threw them out. What a waste.
*Because there is nothing like sitting at a resort pool in December--thanks to a FL resident discount rate--basking in the 85 degree sun, drinking a mai tai, and listening to Christmas music. Mele Kalikimaka, y'all. (We get home and it's rainy and stuff, but supposed to get back up in the 80s this weekend.)
**Here is reason number 943784 why my grandma is the best person I know.
Grandma: I just don't know why anyone would vote for Hillary. Do you like her?
Me: I hate her.
Grandma: She lies, and every job she's had, she hasn't been any good at.